About this passageThis chapter is about being in the room with someone else's grief rather than about managing one's own. It gives two instructions that pull in different directions: keep the school's analysis of the situation in mind, and outwardly accompany the person, groaning with them if that is what is called for. The final clause is the one commentators argue about.
When you see anyone weeping for grief, either that his son has gone abroad or that he has suffered in his affairs, take care not to be overcome by the apparent evil, but discriminate and be ready to say, "What hurts this man is not this occurrence itself — for another man might not be hurt by it — but the view he chooses to take of it."
As far as conversation goes, however, do not disdain to accommodate yourself to him and, if need be, to groan with him. Take heed, however, not to groan inwardly, too.
In plainer words
When you see someone crying because their child has moved far away, or because things have gone badly for them, do not get swept up as though something terrible has certainly happened — remember that what is hurting them is not the event but the view they are taking of it, since someone else might not be hurt by the same thing. But as far as talking to them goes, do not hold yourself above them. Sit with them. Groan with them if that is what is needed. Just try not to groan on the inside too.
A restatement in modern English, written for this collection. The passage above is the text; this is one way of putting it.